……回應你問How to let my body and/or my sense involve in this writing (…) so that it is still my practice related to my body sense/dance knowledge，我覺得兩人寫信就好似一齊instant composition，你寫有D嘢我或不會回應晒，因為用手寫會更無組織，因為好難好似電腦咁好容易更改，移動句子，可以話現在呢一刻上文，我諗緊你信入邊一D字，會即時影響到我呢一句寫咩，但又未去到Automatic Writing，我仲有我想人明白嘅intention，仍然有我心目中的觀眾，即是你。
sometimes something is dropped
sometimes something can be developed and continue
I don't know what response I will receive
I don't know what I will write in the next moment
Your sentences trigger some thoughts in my mind
Your experiences recall my memory
Everything has its own logic or not
建立 摧毀 重組
Instant composition 是一個輪迴，有時覺得喺同人一同舞蹈的短時間內，我經歷了人生的建立、摧毁、重組.……
……如果唔係諗遠咗定近左，我會覺得書寫給對方是另一個方式或condition去認識某一面的你<-->我。而將呢件事放係一個舞蹈的context，我依然嘗試以一個舞者的知識或理解去拿捏如何回應你給予的框架，如何去generate materials：文字、Thoughts、Possibilities， Relationship……如何去another but not to own。……
# 書寫|舞蹈|接近 Writing |Dance |Proximity
How can togetherness be developed in distance?……
# 書寫|舞蹈|接近 Writing |Dance |Proximity
……到最後或者係一個又一個你形容為cheesy嘅Scores，去令我做某些東西時address/ feel your presence，令「我」進入你的腦袋，又或者呢種覺得我哋係仲一齊，係一種好玄的信念。
呢個信念trust，係Lepecki ‘’Inscribing Dance’’(1) 有講過，佢成日講Orchesography 呢個故事，呢個字literally mean the writing of movement，喺16世紀一個年輕律師Capriol 請求佢master Arbeau 將佢的舞蹈寫下，Capriol said ‘’Do not allow this (Dance disappearance) to happen, Monsieur Arbeau, as it is within your power to prevent it. Set these things down in writing to enable me to learn this art, and in so doing you will seem reunited to the companions of your youth.’’
#書寫|舞蹈|接近 Writing |Dance |Proximity
你之前啲信入面好似有條問題關於: When do you feel in proximity with the other
今朝起身，在已知將會收到你的信與未收到信之間, you and your letter are very much in my mind, very presence.
I don't know if it's related to feeling in proximity tho.
have a good day
2nd June 2023
……to a certain extend，我覺得個writing exercise係關proximity 事，through regularly writing words in a specific way, a way we both share the same format, to understand some thoughts/perspective of the other person. not that i think about it before i propose, in fact the score came up randomly while i was writing the letter.……
……But back to the keyword, proximity. I would like to create some action, movement or dance that creates proximity with someone or someplace when you are not with that person, or not in that place. To stay in connection in the distance. I also think score was once a very specific term, but nowadays in contemporary dance, it opens up a lot that everyone can have their own approach. Let alone we are not aiming to develop a score for a stage performance.
However, recently I also thought, score becomes such a product in contemporary arts setting. If the research aim is to create proximity, perhaps this process of writing letter, the content and our life that we share to each other will be much more in the core to create certain kind of intimacy, instead of urging to produce a product (the score) that will be easy to circulate, inside a research framework for creating proximity.
Also, I realize this process of writing to someone, is meanwhile a process to think with someone, to generate questions with someone, to contemplate my own mind for a long period of time, but also to address outwardly, so is totally different from writing a diary, is quite nice. I always imagine you are sleeping when I am writing. When you read this letter, you are in the U-bahn or at a small nice table beside the window in your kitchen.……
# 表演場地Performance space
……之前好多時，你分享你仲拿揑緊如何寫信俾我，我好奇呢種想法關唔關你aware 呢d 文字會俾其他人睇到，呢張紙係一個performing space with audience (except me) ……
…… And yes I’m very aware that I’m working on a project that is with a specific time length and will be materials for someone and something else. So I’m constantly processing how to position myself, what to speak, what to give or not give. It’s definitely more than just chatting on a personal level or on telegram.
And since it’s a project under your name as the creator, somehow I still don’t exactly know where the parameters and what is breakable and what is not. (And I’m still exploring haha) Let’s say how often to write and reply. On my side, I made myself a role to keep time for writing at least one letter to you every week. It also comes from my concern that we are generating materials and you will need time to process afterwards before publishing, which is not long from now. So I cannot just say I’m tired and skip it, as I'm being paid to work something. (maybe it’s a rigid labour mentality...) So this writing is definitely a thing more than just friendship and closeness, but also a work, a work that relates to exploring being in relation with the other in a specific form, or somehow I feel it’s a work that relates to accompanying your exploration on being in distance and desiring proximity. So I might be still processing what kind of a writing partner I’m performing in this work with you. And I just like to name them, It doesn’t mean they are facts or I demand solutions.
But I think I’m also losing a little more bit by bit through experiencing the way we are developing our ways and understanding of this letter/ email writing between us. ……
……I think in comparison to you, I can also say if I write to you in long paragraphs privately about a topic, the use of my wordings will be more or less the same. I guess. This reminds me of your long-time practice of how to use the knowledge of being a dancer to approach things. Perhaps you have a certain kind of awareness that I do not have.
Indeed, I am intended to tell myself to place less concern of “This is a letter that will be published. ” Not that I don't really care about the reader, but I am negotiating how to really keep the authentic texture of a letter writing, because I think that kind of letters (not the official working letter) create closer proximity to the receiver and also the reader. I totally understand to reach this authenticity is already impossible once it becomes an invitation to send to a collaborator, with a working contract.
However, thank you for pointing this out. Please feel free to ask for any parameters that you want clarification.……
依幾日諗起你都係度諗緊應該覆你email 先定telegram 先
I'm performing an exercise of, writing a letter to SW in this project.
which there is a difference for me to write you on telegram
I would not say it's very different but for sure there is a difference in the way how I perform myself.
唔知relevant or not，但之前睇 The Spectator and the Spectacle 抄低咗，分享吓
"authenticity is not a fixed state but a socially constructed concept'’ whose significance is not given; we should worry less about the authenticity of site and more about the manner of negotiation of its meaning"……
# 家 Home
and I ask myself how do i localize myself through placing my body in the places of this city, to build relationships with them. Maybe for a long time, I place myself into a rather close space (physically and mentally), to keep distance with things, to try to focus on accomplishing what I aim for, but also forget to live in this city, and at this stage of my life I now desire to explore more. ……
Same in instant composition.
Sometimes the moment you decide to reset requires great courage.
但我好喜歡舞蹈reset的moment，係好需要當刻對自己嘅相當了解同覺察你先知this is the moment for reset。……
# 香港 Hong Kong
之前去一個event 當中只三個亞洲人，到係德國出世長大亞洲人，我好感覺到其中一個人哋避開緊我，唔想同我講野，我成日到遇到係外國亞洲人避亞洲人情況，好似同到一個外國人講野威水過同一個亞洲人，但呢d 都可能係我projection。
剛才發現新e 道有面容識辨同QR code.
發現巴士屏幕會寫住葉車長為你服務 Bus Captain Yip is serving you 員工編號:xxxxx
令我諗起星期四睇嘅Jen Rosenblit‘s Everybody Fantasy 表演個structure
My mind, my words lives inside your brain
hope you experience the landing or the shaking of the “landing” well. also enjoy the summer soundscape there, it reminds me of 蟬 and 電視聲。
Glad to accompany you through distance
我回想我未去柏林有錢時，放工都係甘過，其實係一種娛樂，行幾步就去左日本，再行幾本就去左泰國，但離開呢種城市結構、行走模式一排再返去，就醒覺原來係香港開心係消費消費同消費。(雖然野食、好多野、好多服務因為無稅、低最低工資同其他原因比歐洲便宜好多……係好爽..... as a consumer...）……
大遍田野，尚早，有綿綿嘅雲，soft blue sky
岩岩食咗個朝早整定嘅yogurt，有蘋果香蕉燕麥，chia flax seed
I have difficulties to write more about my experience in Hong Kong,
my most recent time was last year in Dec, a very short but intense trip
and then it was 2019, also another very intense moment. and then it was maybe 2016 or 17
I don't know which door to open or how to direct myself right now
writing them in a letter is quite an effort to process.……
# 回 Returning
我以為呢次旅程會我會好多感受，好多嘢想講，我係咁諗香港除咗食嘢同買嘢好方便同便宜之外,我仲有咩留戀。或者再過多幾年，一切執着，留戀都會飛散，In-between，就係一個等待執着消散，感受沉澱的過程，或者呢10幾日，心裏講得最多就係「呀......係呀，香港就係咁」，離開後再次發現感受自己成長的城市，發現有些價值是根深蒂固，離開一段時間再回來能幫助覺察， 但要打破，甚至遠距離打破，不容易。又或者覺得需要打破是一種執着，已經運行幾廿年嘅系統，我們的存在會影響到嗎? 遇上一位artist，they說「as a transgender-person, I believe only my presence is already affecting & circulating something」，一年回來數星期，盡情吃喝玩樂，好像不錯，但我能滿足嗎? 我以為經過這十幾天，我已經好清晰我哋去留，但寫寫下我又懷疑了。
回港後我好似明白多咗少少我今次行動除咗想處理一些我對離開香港的一些urgency，其實都係因為一種「無法正常如常創作」的無力狀態，我冇辦法做到馬照跑，舞照跳，但同時又深知行動之重要。又或者一個跳舞嘅工作者，能夠選擇舞不照跳，係一種privilege，或者今時今日喺香港需要諗的並不是創作、跳舞仲有咩用? 而係諗我們應該如何共同創作? 我們該如何回應?
早前去了Asia Arts Archive (AAA),搵到<<越界>>，打開接近我出身年份嗰期 (好似咁啱係最尾嗰兩期)，見到也斯呢篇文，之後發現呢篇文我早就喺 <<他的煩惱娃娃的旅程>> 讀過，忘記了，在好時機， 再重遇。容我借他的文字回應你不能寫你回港的經歷的處境。
Score as a way to create certain proximity
Score as a way to invite other to imagine
Score as a way of addressing someone or something as in writing
Score as a way to move together beyond time and space
Score as something that is not a final product
……Score wise, it’s good to read the few sentences you collected about score, it gives some perspectives. If you have more to share please do. I also think my score wasn’t too clear and I found difficulties with it too. But it was a sudden thought while writing you the previous letter that maybe I can practice the act of “making a choice or a clear intention” and share briefly with the other as a way to get to know what is in the other’s minds lately. Anyway it’s a try out, I also don't feel the need to keep doing it.
And I just went to Alice Chauchat’s dance gathering this evening.
(Writing you on my way home and I have been standing in the station for maybe half an hour to try to finish this lol)
I somehow feel the score “doubles in parallel lives“ can be relevant to us. And maybe we can adapt it into our context? Let’s brainstorm it together if you are also into it.
You know about doubles in parallel lives, don’t you? Probably met them in books or movies?
This is a dance where our respective dances are such doubles.
We dance side by side, we have different lives and different dances,
and we enjoy the augmentation of our life through the presence of our double.
Like another potential that we have, another side of us.
We will stop when we are tired or feel that we are done.
In our case, maybe we can choose a moment of time to continue our activities while actively imagining, thinking of the other, our double, is on the other side having some other potentialities in their life/ dance. It reminds me how you liked奇斯洛夫斯基 and his 兩生花 somehow. ……
……琴日去食富粥，諗起你，之後見到大大隻德國寶同柏林城係右邊，仲寫住Berlin 1967 年至今香港製造。好無聊 哈哈 It is quite hard to think of you actively continuously but It is very easy to think of you when I see something.
I actually think a lot about how your space and other awareness developed in the practice of being a dancer felt at that time when you first went back to HK after some years. Because I did feel a lot (most of the awareness are quite 無聊，like I feel like I am much taller now as the people besides me in Hong Kong are shorter - - so i feel like I walk with a straighter spine. )
Adding to your "score", maybe the moment when you actively think of me (still figuring out what does that mean) while continuing your life, remember what you are seeing, hearing and sensing in those moments. At night, find a time to write and describe these moments to me.……
- Score 對你來說是什麼? What is Score for you?
- Presence 對你來說是什麼? What is Presence for you?
- 什麼時候你會覺得和人接近? When do you feel in proximity with someone?
- 什麼時候你會覺得和人共同在一起? When do you feel togetherness with someone?
- 你在柏林、在異地的時候會有想和香港繼續連繫的渴望嗎? 如果有,你會如何處理? When you were in Berlin or other countries, did you have the desire to still stay in connection with Hong Kong? If yes, how did you deal with it?
it relates to: to perform, performance quality, comparison
Yuko Ono's event scores: Grapefruit
John Cage's "silence" score: 3.44.
Deborah Hay's solo dance score: No time to Fly 2010,
Nancy Stark Smith's improvisation structure: underscore
Anna Halprin talks about score in Making dances that Matter:
it relates to instructing, guiding, performing,
maybe it is also related to opening possibilities, breaking some rigid boundaries at that time
之前睇Bessel Van Der Kolk 嘅 The Body Keeps the Scores,
the past has becomes a score that still runs in our daily living
it is related to remembering, reenacting...
working as a dancer performer,
when I perform, I think im ongoing dealing with scores,
interpreting and playing within the scores that are given by someone,
I feel differently every time when I perform the scores, no matter big or small differences, there is a difference.
at the same time, to interpret and to perform the score, I can choose "scores" that I have learnt or experienced before,
to use them as a filter and to apply them into what i am experiencing at the moment
sometimes, scores also comes to me without me inviting them
I feel the knowing of the absence matters a lot.
when we both treasure the moment of being with the other in the same space
when i am in a dance class or in a dance studio together with others
when I miss someone
I think sometimes it's about mutual acknowledgment, sometimes it's an attention towards the presence of the absent
or rather momentary.
I don't think I feel it in the moment, more through thinking about what has happened, I remember the feeling of it.
Sometimes I also think it's just a fantasy.
I am rooting myself and my root is reaching far,
on the surface and under the surface
people who i missed are standing on the same ground
so I let go more my weight to be closer with the ground
同兩位香港朋友一邊睇直播，一邊唱 At 17 version 嘅 一萬一千公里
# 在我和你之間 In between you and me
在你和我之間，我找到很多疑問，例如i find 的中譯不一定是我找到......
In between you and me, I find
ambiguous common ground， 在未知的同行，外在影響，
human relationship fragility, 共同思考，不同理解，
listening and responding，持續對話與釐清，遠距離的寄托，拋與接， 原則，問題sssss，
suspension，let things sink，不能觸碰的議題，對自己的不信任，對對方的信任......
I went downstairs. I went to the S-bahn Hermannstraße station. I got on the train. I saw one guy who was in a conversation with a girl in German happily and they did not know each other.
I seated. I traveled to Charlottenburg. I walked out from the station. I walked under the sun and the chill weather. I breathed in deeply and enjoyed the last bit of this amazing Berlin weather. I thought of you. I thought on what occasion and when will we be in Hong Kong at the same time.
I bought an Apfelkuchen in the canteen. I ate. I carried equipment. I set up a camera. I worked. I said 'Ciao!'. I walked under the sun. I went to U-bahn U2 in the direction to Pankow. I got off at the U-bahn Märkisches Museum. I walked to Theaterhaus Berlin Mitte.
I did not recognize the technician there, who said hi to me, because he was outside with sunglasses. I said hi back to him after 5 seconds. I walked upstairs. I entered the rehearsal room. I greeted. I set up the camera. I watched the first run-through. I worked.
I saw that production making is all about relationships and friendships. I thought of us. I thought we would never be able to work like this. I saw how friendship is built through having fun in a performance together. I have a lot of thoughts about the performance language and imagination I have and how it is related to Hong Kong inside the rehearsal room. I have the desire to mess around seriously.
I said 'Ciao'. I walked down the stairs. I went to U-Bahn U8 in the direction to Hermannstraße. I got off. I bought a Rosemary plant in the REWE supermarket. I went to the DM and got a free box of tissue paper. I thought about Hong Kong because this one box of tissue paper with 160 pieces cost 2 Euro. I thought of my mother because she always bought boxes of tissue paper when it was 1 or 2 HK dollars cheaper and accumulated them in different corners of the house.
I walked back home. I went upstairs. I received a postcard in German from a stranger. I greeted my housemate. I removed my contact lens. I took a shower. I cooked. I put my dirty clothes into the washing machine. I turned on the washing machine. I turned on the TV and watched the Tagesschau news from Germany. I ate rice noodles with fish balls, lettuce, fried eggs and sausages. I cleaned up. I turned off the TV. I played the handpan.
I felt tired. I lied on the bed. I was reading something like ''What career is best for you.'' on my phone. I fell asleep. I felt trapped because I fell asleep on the bed with the light on every night this week. I managed to wake up and brushed my teeth. I took out the cleaned laundry inside the washing machine.
I wanted to wrote to you. I took out a white A4 paper and and wrote 'Dear Cary, How are you? 唔知點解，可能因為聽得你多講關於你今次返香港'. I stopped. I tuned on my Laptop. I typed to you in English. I thought of a score I tried with Paula. I changed.
I wanted to send you a voice recording to you on 22 July 2023 when I was in Hong Kong but I forgot to send. I found and listened to this recording coincidentally on U-Bahn the day after we talked about the nudity and sense of intimacy to hear our own voice recording and put it in a public space.
I felt surreal to hear this recording with the familiar HK MTR background sound in my quiet room in Berlin.
It is 3:33 am here. I need to wake up at 7am to repeat 80% of what I wrote above. I stop here.
Saying good morning and sending hug to you,
15 Sep 2023